"I am not Jonathan Aitken, not Jeffrey Archer, I'm Neil Hamilton. I have never been convicted of any criminal offense. And I have never been to prison. I was once accused of taking cash for questions by Mohammed Fayed, the former owner of Harrod's. I deny and denied those allegations. I have been investigated by the Inland Revenue's top fraud-busting accountants...in a three year investigation of ten separate tax years and I came out absolutely squeaky-clean not having had any illicit payments and didn't owe them any tax. Not only that, they looked over my expenses claims as an MP and every single one was regarded as legitimate. I don't think there were many in the House who could claim that."
No, Mr Hamilton, there are not many members of Parliament who could claim that. However, I hope you are up to the task of your great restoration project. Like many of the grand manor houses in England that are now in grave disrepair, it may take you quite a bit of scaffolding, plastering and lots of heavy lifting.